How to recognize Alphonse

[Демитрий]

By chance, or rather, the state, which ceased to pay teachers a decent salary, during the time of perestroika, in addition to sowing “good, reasonable, eternal”, was forced to do the so-called business. Then it was possible to observe hordes of females rushing in the same way to stop the horse on a gallop. Of course, it could be entrusted to husbands. Maybe one of them even held out timidly calloused hands, but women already held horses under the bridle.

And from men formed entire clans of uninitiated parasites, graciously allowing wives, mothers and sisters to drag a locomotive called “family”. In fact, these characters are called Alphonse, of which there are several types.

The first is nascent. Often this is the only son of elderly parents or “mamsik”, brought up by mother and grandmother. It is not difficult to recognize him, but my friend frowned. She realized too late that she did not choose her husband herself. The future mother-in-law was looking for a wife for him. She took into account everything: the appearance of the daughter-in-law, and material wealth, and, most importantly, the ability to work. Oleg was completely uninitiated, stood on the exchange in the hope that they would find something. An interesting interlocutor, he could talk for hours on the topic “Money is vanity,” he loved his sofa more than his wife and son. On a delicate offer to take out the bin or nail the hanger, he made the face of a martyr and went to his mother to share his feelings. The friend got rid of her spouse barely, and even now she will have to share the apartment that she left from her parents.

Alfons you can beat, drown, choke, put in the microwave, it will not change. The second type is especially resistant - sucked. Successful Tatyana, divorced and with a child, was long and beautifully looked after by Victor. If she had been more attentive from the very beginning, she would have been guarded by narcissism and the fact that she invariably invited him to dinner. Victor took care of himself for granted, he clearly developed the image of a woman who worked hard for his needs: it was like that in a parental family. Tatyana did not immediately understand that when giving away, she does not receive anything in return. Yes, and the salary of the new husband was such that it could not be seen through a microscope. Sometimes Tatyana opens her mouth and says aloud that she thinks about all this. Victor takes offense, lies face down to the wall. For several years, the woman has been trying to get rid of the sucked type, so far without success. Exiled, he invariably returns, like a plane to his native airfield. With a wide smile on his face, gentle words, but empty-handed. As always.

The third view is militant. He is sincerely convinced that by his presence on his wife’s living space he makes her immensely happy. The answer to her timid attempts to restore justice is always ready: do not like it - let's get divorced. Perhaps a worm of fear is gnawing at his heart, suddenly she will agree. A friend says: the spouse refuses the additional opportunity to earn money, but she is extremely unhappy if the wife does not take this chance. She is a teacher, in addition to the main work, she is engaged in tutoring. The husband, while at home, is looking for the meaning of life, sometimes with the help of vodka.

There is probably a fourth view and a fifth. All gigolos are united by one thing - self-esteem. These are mortally offended if you explain who they really are. The character is sincerely convinced: a woman should work as much as possible, otherwise she will have unnecessary thoughts. Such, for example, as an insult to a lack of attention or a desire for him to finally change the gasket in the tap or, what’s good, help in the garden. Alfonso admire the wives of his friends who work tirelessly.

Psychologist's opinion
Alphonse is a man living at the expense of a woman, a man with great needs, who loves only himself. And there are now not just a lot of them, but a lot of them. Boys choose girls that are dressed richer, who have wealthy parents. A lot of those who are looking for women of age and live at their expense. A couch husband who loves to dress well and eat tasty, who does not bother himself, can also be called an alpha.

The mentality of the Russians has changed. It has always been that a man is a breadwinner, he must build a house, plant a tree, raise a son. And although in Soviet times, my husband did little at home, he carried out his task of bringing money to his family.

Now we have gone the western way. Everyone wants to be rich, at the same time they are afraid of hard work. I am ashamed to be just a worker. And why work, if you can arrange your life next to a prosperous active woman? Life itself sets people up for consumerism.

Affects and upbringing. Alphonse come from those families where there is a division of responsibilities into male and female (it’s not a man’s job to wash the floors and dishes!), Where Mom predominates. She manages dad, money - everything. Nothing trusts the son: neither washing his socks, nor hammering a nail is still small. A man gets used to live on everything at the expense of a woman.

Alphonse is indeed very difficult to re-educate. Therefore, for those who are just about to get married, I advise you to take a closer look at the family of the chosen one. I would not have to take the baton from the future mother-in-law and play the role of a caring mother.

Those who have recently started a family and hear from their husband “give, give, give” should not cherish the hope that he will soon say “on, on, on.” Do not make scandals. For such a divorce is easier than change. And he will divorce and go to mom. Or find another one that, however, will not swear.

What to do? Tolerate and adapt. Try tricky: “Honey, I have no money, and today we will sit on the potatoes.” Come up with a collaborative effort: “Honey, help me.” Do not send for a long ruble to the North, start small, teach first to do at least homework. Gradually help him understand that he can make money himself.

Irina KOBYUK, medical psychologist.
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Source: My husband Alphonse