Re: Detectives are joking
Alphabet of male flaws. Female version
AND - a car. The lack of a "motor landau" in a man is an obvious drawback, which is especially acute in winter in public transport. However, the presence of a car is no less a disadvantage. Why?! And with whom does he bother more - with his wife or with his adored car!
B - indifference. Everyone remembers the joke when the wife couldn’t attract her husband’s attention and finally, in desperation, put on a gas mask on her head, which was followed by a laconic male question: “Honey, did you pluck your eyebrows?” Well, what else can be said about male indifference?
IN - wallowing on the couch. Every man has a favorite four-legged friend - a sofa. With him (or, more precisely, on it) he is ready to spend hours, and sometimes even days. Go to the store? Take out the trash? Pick up a child from kindergarten? No dear, I'm very busy, I'm resting ...
G - garage. Usually combined with a flaw in the letter A. A true sign: if on Friday night my husband said that tomorrow morning he would run into the garage for a minute, then we definitely wouldn’t get to the theater, exhibition or movie this weekend.
D - friendly gatherings. He returns at three nights in a strange jacket, but with his stupid smirk, which usually settles on his face after a nth glass, and on his gracious: “I’ve got some more ...” he gracefully raises his index finger and says impressively: “Don’t dare ... ik ... talking bad ... ik ... about my friends ... ik. "
E - his habits. It is easier to teach a cat to dance a minuet than to wean a man from walking on the carpet in dirty shoes, not to leave a tube of toothpaste open, not toss socks all over the apartment, and not to put a fork in a frying pan, but wait for him to put food on a plate.
F - cruelty. Supper and watch “Silence of the Lambs” or “Crimson Rivers”, and then another hour to retell how much blood was in “Alien vs. Predator”, can only absolutely heartless person.
3 - smell. There is nothing worse than a very "fragrant" man. A pathological dislike for hygiene procedures is incurable in some.
AND - treason. According to statistics, as early as 15 years ago, men changed three times more often than women. And now our sister has overtaken the stronger sex, and the figures of the current year state: 74% of women are cheating on their husbands, and men who cheat on their wives are almost half as much - 46%. But who can blame lovely ladies for immoral behavior? After all, men are to blame for everything: they were the first to set an example for us.
TO - careerism. Modern men offer everything as a sacrifice to a god named Career: personal time, friends, hobbies and even love.
L - dashing. Well, why at the sight of the steering wheel of almost every man there is a short-term clouding of reason, the result of which is the thought that he is Schumacher racing to the finish line in Formula 1?
M - suspiciousness. A pair of sneezes and a temperature of 37 can enter a man in a hypochondriacal mood. Having covered himself with five blankets, he will whine, moan and harass you with stories about how bad he is, that he has fever and that it is definitely time to think about drawing up a will.
N - unreliability. He promised to call on Wednesday, and called on Saturday, promised to give an asterisk from the sky, and came with a box of chocolates, promised to marry, and ...
ABOUT - gluttony. The amazing thing is nearby: you’re not leaving the stove for three hours, you are preparing dinner that a company of soldiers could eat for a maximum of a week, and he comes and swallows everything in three minutes. Moral: no matter how much a man feeds, he still looks into the forest, well, or in the refrigerator.
P - presents. Have you ever met a man who knows how to choose and give gifts? Me neither. If it’s cosmetics, then it’s necessarily the wrong color, smell, brand. If it’s clothing, it’s such that you can go out into the street only once in your life - during the Brazilian carnival. A set of pots for the Eighth of March or a vacuum cleaner for the New Year are not the worst options. My husband gave one of my friends a birthday brush for the toilet ...
R - jealousy. It happens. You meet Vasya Pupkin or Grisha Pipkin - and only after a while will you know his true name: Othello. Few people will be attracted by the prospect of being strangled (albeit not physically, but morally).
WITH - arrogance. First, he has knee-deep sea and mountains on the shoulder, he does not need other people's advice, and then he blames everyone and everything for his failures.
T - TV. A sports channel, a news channel, and then an action movie. The program "In the world of animals", a political talk show, and then a horror movie. As well as fighting without rules, thrillers and broadcasting a rock concert. Interestingly, from so much communication with the TV in men, the brain has not yet taken a square shape?
At - evasion from male duties. Men are twice as likely as women to resort to the phrase: "Just not today, my head hurts"? And not only in response to a demand for the fulfillment of conjugal duty, but also to a request to move a bedside table, knock a carpet or nail a shelf.
F - football. In my opinion, comments are unnecessary.
X - snoring. If you record male snoring on a voice recorder, and then sell the recording to a film studio to create special effects in the film about aerial bombardment, you can make good money.
Ts - cynicism. All men, without exception, are cynics, and those who are not cynics simply skillfully pretend.
H - clock. Peering at the dial on his hand, he wonders in his mind how much time to spend on his work, how much - on friends, how much - on other men's joys. When he finally remembers his beloved, the hands on the clock show that there are only five minutes left.
W - slippers. At work, he is in an ironed suit and sparkling boots, at home - in the notorious sweatpants with bubbles on his knees and slipped slippers. Why has never in many years been the other way around?
E - selfishness. The postulate is approximately the same as for the deficiency in the letter C.
YU - men's humor is based on three pillars: Lieutenant Rzhevsky, mother-in-law and Little Johnny. A few obscene expressions, vulgar details - and the dish is ready for use.
I AM - yak. They say that Napoleon had a megalomania. But where does he care about modern men ...
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