Communicating with “Difficult People”: Alternative Approaches

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From time to time we all come across the so-called “difficult people”. These are people whose communication is difficult and delivers a lot of negative emotions. All this can be avoided if you do not allow a number of errors when communicating with them:

Error: excessive self-righteousness

Naturally, each person considers himself right. We are all sure that we make the right decisions and take the right actions. It is very difficult to meet a person who would intentionally do something immoral or “bad”. People try to justify themselves in every possible way. They can admit that they were wrong, only after some time.

Alternative approach: trying to understand

Strive to understand and be understood. What guides the other person? What is his motivation? Why does he behave this way? Often we are so fixated on our own position that we cannot look at the situation from a different angle, and this can teach us a lot. Do not be limited in your views, listen carefully to other people's opinions and be able to admit your mistakes if you are not right. This can be unpleasant, but it is very useful for you. Sometimes “difficult people” are the best teachers.

Error: waiting for the impossible

It is impossible to change another person. Just as it is impossible to influence his opinion. Even if you put guns at the head of a person who disagrees with you, he will only be forced to do what you want, but his views will not change. We are all free to choose, but this also implies that we cannot control the choice of other people. Of course, there are people who are easy to control and manipulate, but, fortunately, there are not many of them. Do not expect from others that they will dance to your tune. Be realistic.

Alternative approach: focusing on what we can change

Pay more attention to what you can really change. Most of your energy should go to what is under your influence. People, like the weather - they can be absolutely predictable, but at the same time they cannot be controlled. Focus on what you can change — on yourself. Try to change your point of view or adapt it to the opinions of others. Seek a compromise. The Tao doctrine says that when an obstacle arises in the way near the water, it rises to find a new channel for itself.

Error: attempt to win a dispute

Try not to argue with difficult people. If you think that they will listen to your arguments and logical remarks, you are deeply mistaken. This dispute will bring nothing but aggravation of the conflict.

Alternative approach: persuading with an example

When Khrushchev condemned the activities of Stalin, someone from the crowd shouted: “Why were you silent when Stalin was in power?” Khrushchev asked: “Who said that?” No one answered and then Khrushchev said: “Now you understand why.” Persuading in something “difficult people” try not to use logic and arguments, but illustrative examples. As a rule, such people are too stubborn to take your word, even if your speech is very convincing. If you show them an example that confirms the correctness of your opinion, they may agree with you. But at the same time, they will feel not those people who lost the argument, but those people who accepted your point of view.

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[Матушкин Андрей Николаевич]

Thank!