How the police work in Italy

[Роберт]

- Why are the carabinieri along the trousers sewn red stripes?

- To find pockets !!!

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- An accident occurred on board the helicopter and it fell to the cemetery

- The carabinieri were the first to arrive at the scene

- They have already recovered 300 victims from under the remains of the helicopter

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- The carabiner enters the store and sees a thermos on the counter

- What it is?

- This item keeps hot food hot and cold food cold

- Responsible seller

- Carabiner enthusiastically bought a thermos and went home

- In the morning comes to the barracks with a thermos under his arm

- What is it with you?

- Asks his colleague

- Thermos. It keeps hot food hot and cold food cold.

“What did you put in there?”

- I poured in a cup of hot coffee and put two servings of ice cream

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- Doctor’s carabiner

- Doctor, if I touch here, it hurts me (touches the liver)

- If I touch here, it hurts me (touches the spleen)

- And if I touch here, it hurts me (touches the elbow)

“What's wrong with me, doctor?”

- I think your finger is broken

- The doctor answers

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- Carabiner at the doctor’s appointment

- Doctor, every time I drink coffee, I feel severe pain in the eye

- Have you tried to remove the spoon?

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- Carabinier calls a doctor

- Doctor, come soon, our commander swallowed a ballpoint pen

“What are you doing in the meantime?”

- the doctor asks

- We write in pencil

---------- Up

- The carabiner runs and screams to his boss

- A car was stolen from us

“Have you seen who it was?”

- No, but I wrote down the car number

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“Why are the carabinieri turning the car over?”

- To shake out the ashtrays

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- How many pieces does the puzzle for the carabinieri consist of?

- from one

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- What is written, in addition to the expiration date, at the bottom of Coca-Cola tin cans, sold in a store at the carabinieri barracks?

- open on the other side

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“What did the carabiner say when he saw a man with three heads?”

- Ciao! Ciao! Ciao!

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- Why does the carabiner return 10 times to the ticket office of the cinema

- Because the controller every time breaks a ticket at the entrance

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- What will happen if the carabinier will wear new underpants every day?

- By the end of the week uniform pants will not fit on him

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- What is the carabiner listening with headphones walking through the barracks?

- Right, left, right, left ...

---------- Up

- Two friends meet at the bar

- I sold 10 cars this week

- Well done, and I sold the cuckoo clock to one carabinier

- And just something

- So you still haven't heard

- Together with the watch, I sold him 5 kg. cuckoo feed

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- There is a naked carabinier in front of the mirror and says

- If I had 1 cm more, I would be Mr. Beauty

- What does his wife answer

- If you had 1 cm less, then you would be Miss Beauty

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- On the exam, they ask Carabinier

- When the water boils, how many degrees will it be?

- 90 degrees

- Are you sure?

- Yes, I am sure

- It boils at a right angle of 90 degrees

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- One carabinier was assigned to monitor a cage with a lion in a zoo

- The next day, the director finds her empty and with the door open

“Why didn't you close the door?”

- The director asks the carabinier

“Would anyone want to steal it?”

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- One carabinier sees his comrade pensive

- What are you thinking about?

- Yes, I don’t remember if I should meet my wife at 9-30 or at 3-90

---------- Up

- One carabinier is asked

- Is Africa far?

- I think that is close

- Every day I see one African who rides a bicycle to a bar located next to our barracks.

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- The carabiner writes to the protocol

- Today a man’s corpse was found, cut into 20 parts and packed in a suitcase

“It’s still impossible to determine with accuracy whether it was suicide.”

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- Karabiner was diagnosed with a rare tropical disease

- His doctor says

- The only way to get rid of the virus - orange juice in large quantities

- Yes I understand

“Just how do I get the virus to drink this juice?”

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- Carabinier listens to the radio

- At this moment you are listening to Solaris radio - says the announcer

“I wonder how they found out.” - thinks the carabiner

---------- Up

- The carabiner visits the travel agency

- I want to urgently buy a ticket

- Unfortunately, now is the high season, but still you can try

- Take the globe and indicate any place at random

- Here?

- Not

- Here?

- Unfortunately no

- Then give me another globe

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- One carabinier is asked

“Is it true that you have sex almost every day?”

- Yes true

- Almost Monday

- Almost Tuesday

- Nearly...

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- Carabinier reads a newspaper with mourning announcements and says

“I don't understand how all these people were able to die in alphabetical order?”

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- One motorist stops and asks the carabiner

“Where is that road going?”

- She's not going anywhere

- She is always at this very place

 

[Роберт]

"- How many jokes about carabinieri are there?
- Only two. All the rest are real stories. "


"One man explains logic to his carabiner friend.
- Here, for example, I have an aquarium. Do you remember that I have an aquarium? What logical conclusions can we draw from this? What does the aquarium remind you of? That's right, water. What about water? That's right, the sea. What about the sea? Beach. And on the beach, what if not beautiful women? Vootoot, I like beautiful women, okay?
A joyful carabinier rushes into the barracks to explain the logic to his carabiner friend.
“Now, Giovanni, do you have an aquarium?”
- Not.
“So you're a fagot."

"Wife to the Carabinieri:
“Giovanni, have you changed the water in the fish in the aquarium?”
“No, they haven't drunk yesterday.”

“There is a department with fresh brains in a butcher's shop. They ask 200 euros per kg for a university professor’s brain, 100 e for a lawyer’s brain, and 1000 e for a carabinier’s brain.
- How? - the buyer is surprised, - The brain of the carabiner is 5 times more expensive than the professor’s brain ?!
“So imagine how much you need to kill carabinieri to get a kilogram of brain!” - the shopkeeper answers. "

 

[Роберт]

Why do carabinieri fly in an airplane in tracksuits?
- Because the planes have the inscription NO SMOKING.
Two tipsy Italian carabinieri walk along the railroad tracks for a long time. One of them:
- Chief, how long is this staircase! I'm already tired!
“Hold on, Emilio, there’s an elevator going!”
On their wedding night, the young wife waits a long time in the bed of her husband for an Italian carabiner, who has not left the balcony for two hours. Finally, she cannot stand it:
- Matteo, dear! You stand on the balcony for so long that you can freeze! Why don't you come to my warm bed?
- I can’t, my love! My father always told me that this night should be the most beautiful in my life, and I do not want to miss it!

The phone rings. Little Marco picks up the phone:
- Pronto!
- Hello, baby! Is your mother at home?
- Mom and Dad are not at home, there is only my sister.
- Well, please call your sister!
The boy leaves, after a while he returns and picks up the phone:
- Sorry, but I could not take her out of the cradle ...

 

[Патрушев Михаил Владимирович]

Thanks Robert! Have fun! : lol: