Private detectives joke

[Андрей Захаров]

Re: Detectives are joking

Cool topics))))

 

[Частный детектив. Владивосток.]

Re: Detectives are joking

From the Internet ...:

"Today I witnessed the work of our valiant police.
On the subway platform runs a homeless guy with a case in his hands. Behind him is a decent-looking man in a suit (obviously the owner of this case). And law enforcement officers in the person of four policemen and a dog imposingly walk around the platform.
A guy with a case running past them, apparently appreciating the bewilderment on the faces of the policemen and trying to help the latter understand the situation, shouts on the run: "Hold the thief," pointing his hand in the direction of the one who is catching up.
And what would you think? They still detained him! A guy in a suit!
But most of all in this situation, for some reason I feel sorry for not the man who lost the case.
It’s a pity the service dog, the only one who correctly assessed the situation and was already rushing in pursuit, but stopped by the senior in rank with a cry, “Stop, you stupid animal.”

 

[Андрей Захаров]

Re: Detectives are joking

This is only about us ...
- We came up with a drink before 9 in the morning, and at 8 already to be at work.
- Only here, people fly to the "Field of Miracles" from Vladivostok for 30 thousand rubles to win ... an electric kettle.
- Only in our country can we buy a Swiss watch for 300 rubles.
- Only we can earn 6,000 rubles a month, and spend 30,000.
“It is we who come to the birthday hungry, but already drunk.”
“We are increasing the capacity of the bins with the help of our feet.”
“We came up with the idea of giving old cell phones to ... moms.”
- We came up with the idea to use baby cream in an adult way!
- This is March 8 and hemorrhoids - the words are synonyms!
- It is our schoolchildren who can tell more about Turkey and Egypt than teachers.
- Our women love it with their ears, but they hate it. pans!
- We came up with this to brew 1 tea bag ... three times.
- It’s even bumps we take bribes.
- Only our elevators - also toilets!
- This is when we go fishing and buy vodka, and when we return, we fish.
“It is our women who can enter a burning hut, but they go to the toilet only with a girlfriend.”
- Only we turn on the TV at full volume and go to cook in the kitchen.
“We thought of eating watermelons before going to bed to get up early.”
- It was we who thought up buying cigarettes by the piece and glue the chewing gum by the ear.
- We are ready to sell Khrushchev to buy a “putinka”.
- This is our army, which everyone is afraid of .... all guys under 27 years old.
- We came up with this idea to dial on a cell phone number and reset, so as not to spend money.
- This is our Mendeleev invented the table and vodka, so that children would suffer from one, and adults from another.
- That we are the loudest shout "Bitter!" and "Busy!".
“This is for us puddles by the ankles, the sea by the knee, and the ocean by ...”
- It is in our metro that you can get a diploma of higher education.
- Slippers and a towel from Turkish hotels are stored in our homes.
“We are stopping drinking at the age at which the whole world is just beginning.”
- We came up with the 5000th bills to bring the drivers of minibuses to a heart attack.
- That we eat dirty tickets on the trams, that would be lucky!
- It is in our country that you can watch a Hollywood movie before the premiere.
- Our children recognize Santa Claus by the smell of fumes!
- This is our beer-box unit!
- Only in our country, the one who asks you to smoke on the street, actually wants not to smoke, but money and a phone!
- Only in our country, athletes take doping not for records, but for pleasure.
“We don’t untie the tie for years, because then you’ll tie it.”
- You will tell this record to your friends now.

 

[Детективное агентство Тольятти]

Re: Detectives are joking

A doctor in a clinic checks the hearing of a three-year-old boy. In a whisper:
- Candy.
Whisper, too:
- I can’t - an allergy ...

 

[@InfoPoisk]

Re: Detectives are joking

We are introducing foreigners into a stupor by answering the question: DETAILED: lol:: lol:: lol:

 

[Gnom]

Re: Detectives are joking

I don’t know how to laugh or cry ... But this funny thing is life!
This incident happened in the spring of 1994.

A young American named Ronald Opus decided to commit suicide. In a suicide note it was written that he, Ronald, took this step because of financial difficulties and misunderstanding on the part of his parents.
After writing this message, Mr. Opus climbed onto the windowsill and rushed down from the ninth floor.

<...>

Although this whole story looks like a fiction, but it is a fact recorded!

It's funny, of course, but it's still a fiction. Specifically googled the name of Ronald Opus)))

 

[Юридическая Компания Лидер]

Re: Detectives are joking

FUN ...

 

[Детективное агентство Тула]

Re: Detectives are joking

The young judge consults with a more experienced colleague:
- Petrovich! Tomorrow I will analyze the civil process of two business entities. The plaintiff last week brought an envelope with 500 thousand American rubles ...
- So, what is the question, Vasya?
- Just now, the defendant was coughing up 750 thousand in the same currency ... What now to do, I can’t imagine? : oops:
- No problem, Vasya. Return 250 thousand to the defendant and judge honestly!

 

[Краев Евгений Леонидович]

Re: Detectives are joking

The young judge consults with a more experienced colleague:
- Petrovich! Tomorrow I will analyze the civil process of two business entities. The plaintiff last week brought an envelope with 500 thousand American rubles ...
- So, what is the question, Vasya?
- Just now, the defendant was coughing up 750 thousand in the same currency ... What now to do, I can’t imagine? : oops:
- No problem, Vasya. Return 250 thousand to the defendant and judge honestly!

: lol:: lol:: lol:

 

[Детективное агентство Тула]

Re: Detectives are joking

Sergey Vladimirovich Mikhalkov.
How an old man sold a cow

(Russian folktale)

An old man was selling a cow in the market,
No one gave a price to a cow.
Although many needed a cow,
But, apparently, people did not like her.

“Master, will you sell us your cow?”
- Selling. I have been standing in the market with her in the morning!

“Don't you ask a lot, old man, for her?”
- Yes, where to cash in! To return my own!

- It hurts your cow lady!
- Ill, damned. Right trouble!

“Does a cow give a lot of milk?”
- Yes, we have not seen milk yet ...

The old man was trading all day in the market,
No one gave a price to a cow.
One guy felt sorry for the old man:
- Dad, your hand is not easy!
I'm standing by your cow
Perhaps we will sell your cattle.

There is a buyer with a tight wallet,
And so he is trading with a boy:

- Are you selling a cow?
- Buy, since it’s rich.
Cow, look, not a cow, but a treasure!

- Yes it is! It looks painfully thin!
- Not very fat, but good milk yield.

“Does a cow give a lot of milk?”
“You won’t milk it in a day, your hand will get tired.”

The old man looked at his cow:
- Why am I, Burenka, selling you? -
I won’t sell my cow to anyone -
Such cattle need yourself!